On Monday and Tuesday of next week I am going to see The Smashing Pumpkins at Massey Hall. On Monday I’m in virtually the same spot I was for Sigur Ros, which was a sweet spot. On Tuesday I am in ROW 7 in the DEAD CENTER. OMGgghfhhehfjlololololololWTFBBBQ!!!11!!!!
I’m excited.
I’ve loved the Pumpkins since I was 13 years old. They are the reason I started playing guitar. I have only ever seen them at giant outdoor festivals, so seeing them at Massey Hall is going to be amazing. AMAZING.
Fall Out Boy and Smashing Pumpkins in one week. Awesome, but also detrimental to any indie cred I may have had. Oops.
I went to see Fall Out Boy tonight. In the MuchMusic parking lot. It was about minus a zillion degrees not including the massive windchill factor. But so worth it. I also felt very, very old in that crowd, but I’m not ashamed. I love Fall Out Boy. I am extremely excited that their new album comes out on my birthday. Happy birthday to me!
Fall Out Boy have matching rhinestone studded guitars. I wish my band could afford that. Erin and I will just have to settle for matching gloves/outfits/hair.
It’s Friday. I have stayed in to listen to the rain and wonder what you do when you like who you’ve become but hate how you signify sometimes. I am thinking about why (I can’t, won’t let myself, you won’t let me) pick up the phone – others call and I don’t know what to do but you are second nature to me. When you’re here.
Oh, and when I stop being pretentious and emo, I am also watching Lisa Loeb videos on YouTube and thinking about what a great songwriter she is and how it’s too bad most people will only ever think of her as a one hit wonder. Sandalwood, Hurricane, Firecrackers, Garden of Delights, Do You Sleep? – amazing songs.
Skeleton boy by the side of the road
he warned me, he told me
he said
There is this woman, she’s a hurricane
she will heal your heart up
but she is hurrying
-Lisa Loeb, “Hurricane”
A: Listening to Stars of the Lid and reading old favourites (Shelley Jackson and Nina Cassian) and generally being a saddo. Nina Cassian is even more of a bummer than me. Check it out:
Lady of Miracles Since you walked out on me
I’m getting lovelier by the hour.
I glow like a corpse in the dark.
No one sees how round and sharp
my eyes have grown
how my carcass looks like a glass urn,
how I hold up things in the rags of my hands,
the way I can stand though crippled by lust.
No, there’s just your cruelty circling
my head like a bright rotting halo.
and
Ghosts A rug of dead butterflies at my feet,
dead and limp
(they don’t experience rigor mortis).
I, on the other hand, am quite healthy:
I’ve extracted by liver,
plucked out my lungs,
wrenched out my heart,
and nothing hurts anymore.
To become a ghost
is a solution
I weakly recommend.
I read an excellent blog post about Stars of the Lid a while ago that basically said that even though they had listened to Stars of the Lid approximately 80 gazillion times, they couldn’t remember what a single song sounded like. It’s so true. I couldn’t tell you what they sound like when I’m not listening to them. But when I am listening to them, it’s the best ever. Even when I listen to them and read sad poems and weird bittersweet stories and bum myself out for the hell of it.
You know those songs that are so beautiful that it hurts your chest? The ones that feel like a delicious punch in the gut? (Maybe you don’t. I might be out of my mind.)
Anyway, earlier this week I posted “Rock my Boat” by dntel and Mia Doi Todd on Facebook. It is one of those songs. I was listening to it today and the first three chords sounded and they grabbed me and wouldn’t let go and I couldn’t believe how amazing the song was, even though I had heard it a million times before.
And it’s not even my most favourite dntel song. That would be “Anywhere Anyone.” That song is waaaaay up on my list of favourite songs of all time, until the end of time. I could listen to it 80,000 times and still love it to pieces. Check it out:
SO GOOD!
On the topic of sad songs, I’ve found that all this heartbreak is at least good for songwriting. I’ve been a songwriting machine lately. Usually there are large chunks of time in between when I write songs that I actually like. Lately they’ve been gushing out like water from a tap. Or tears from my eyeballs! If we want to be emo about it! (Which we don’t.) Oh but wait! We can’t help it and are now going to post sappy lyric snippets! It’s the first step towards be unashamed enough to sing my songs in public. I think having an awesome band to play with is also helping.
I’m still out here in Parkdale / You’re way out on Gerrard / And my sunglasses fill like leaky swim goggles in the middle of High Park / But some of us, we aren’t fashion victims Some of us just have broken hearts / Some of us, we aren’t fashion victims Some of us are falling apart
-”Geography”
You can’t blame it on time / You can’t blame it on space /’Cause I have heard it before /Too many times from boys who go and buy a house with the next girl / Get a dog with the next girl / Spit me out in the sunshine and get a lover for the winter
-”Untitled”
I just want someone to keep me warm for the winter / Like you did on the street / You’re running away but you could just stay and we’d work it out in my bed / And you’re not leaving yet I know / And our blood’s not flowing yet I know / But there is nothing to say it won’t”
-”There’s Nothing To Say You Won’t”
Dead dogs and murder and burst veins that leave you speechless / Have got me all torn up / But I can’t cry ’til I’m alone / And I can’t believe you could live in a mess like this / All those hearts they hid made me the bad luck kid / And I tried to fall in love but I can’t sleep ’til I’m alone”
-”A Mess Like This”
Woah woah woah, life has been busy. This is evident in my lack of good updates to this blog. I’ll try harder!
My current favourite news is my new amp. I bought a new (to me) amp on Thursday. It is an Ampeg Reverberocket from the 60s and still has some of the original tubes. It sounds like warm honey. On silk. It’s amazing. It has built-in tremolo, which is my new favourite thing in the world. I am going to have to rely on my bandmates to edit me, because so far I have determined that 95% of my songs need tremolo on them now. ‘62 reissue Strat + 60s tube amp = a very happy me.
It is nice to have money to go shopping for once. I’ve basically been broke for the last 6 years, so not being broke is awesome. That will all end once my crushing student loan payments start, but for now I am going to buy clothes and gear and booze and fancy food. My next purchase will be a bass. Wheee! I am the part-time bass player in the band, when we are playing the songs that Erin sings and plays guitar on. Playing bass is fun. It’s also kind of relaxing, compared to singing and playing the guitar at the same time. It will become even more relaxing, I feel, once I have actually learned how to play bass properly. Right now I’m kind of winging it. It’s hard to get better when you don’t actually have a bass at home to practice on. Yes, I am a bass player who doesn’t own a bass.
Speaking of the band, a name is still needed. We can’t have a MySpace and/or conquer the world until we have a name. Help!
Sometimes I procrastinate needlessly. Such as this past week, when I put off buying my train ticket (even though buying a train ticket takes about 5 minutes online) so long that the regular tickets for my trip back to Toronto were sold out. I had to buy a first class ticket. I was thinking, “I don’t see how this is going to be worth an extra $100.” Well, I have learned that Via 1 is the best ever.
Why? Because there is all sorts of delicious free food and booze. These people are trying to give you something every five minutes. Drink before dinner? Wine with dinner? Drink after dinner? Dessert? More dessert? It’s pretty awesome. So instead of wasting time on the internet, I drank a bunch of wine and talked to an investment… guy. Then I played BrickBreaker on my BlackBerry. Wheee!
I have no time lately, so I haven’t written anything good on here. My posts have been clumsily-written mish-mashes of unconnected ideas. This one is no exception.
Although, the theme of it might be disappointment.
I am disappointed in people who wouldn’t come to an event I threw if I paid them, wouldn’t know how to get ahold of me outside Facebook, but are all about me when it comes to behind-my-back speculation. If you’re that interested, pick up the phone and ask me. Oh wait, you don’t know my phone number. So you probably should mind your business.
[pause]
I’m disappointed in people who treat me poorly. I have been reflecting lately, and realizing there are a lot of these. Don’t blame it on time, don’t blame it on space. These are not defenses for thoughtlessness. I have much more respect for someone who tells me exactly what they think of me, even if it breaks my heart, than someone who pretends it is the fault of immovable factors beyond their control. My consolation prize is that for every excuse, every careless act, there is a song coming soon to a stage/speaker near you.
I’m now going to curl up with a cup of tea and a book of poetry, in the hope that I can teach myself to write better. Maybe one of these days I’ll gather the courage to write a song about something more important than boys. Maybe I’ll soon be able to avoid looking back saying, “Did I really waste a song on that? I really though that was worth one? Ugh.”
Well, we might need a band name. Erin thought of one that’s pretty rad that I like, but it couldn’t hurt to have some extras to ponder. Leave suggestions in the comments! Email them to me! But if your suggestions are Wet Leather or Sex on Rollerskates, don’t bother! Heehee.
The problem is that we’re good at thinking up ridiculous names, and not so good at thinking up serious names that we could actually use. Which is why our groups in school were called “Ultra Dangerous Power Squad” and “Chill and Shake.” (We got the latter from reading the side of a juice can.)
Everyone should be at the Bonjay EP release party tonight. If you sleep on this, don't say I didn't warn you. Teranga in kensington market. 5 hours ago
