This Must Be The Place…?

I came home with a heart full of art and explosions and I thought it might burst out of my chest. (It did, onto my shirt. We took a picture.) But it took only a few minutes back in the real world before I was let down again – business as usual. Nothing but the rotten smell of spent fireworks surrounding me.

Give me something to work with. I can’t keep building realities out of ashes. Not even false ones. Not even pretenses. There’s only so much to go around. I’d have more than enough, except I keep giving it all away on the promise of something that never materializes. 

Not this again.

I have no more time for this.

My Home

I went to the Hershey store today for the last time. It was the last time because the factory is already closed and today is the last day for the store. I thought I would go for nostalgia’s sake (and because I love chocolate, let’s be serious).  I never expected a chocolate store would be so sad. The shelves were pretty much picked clean and the bulk bins were empty, save for one. 

If you’re not from Smiths Falls, you might not understand the melancholy over a chocolate factory. But the Hershey factory is a huge party of the town. It employed a large chunk of Smiths Falls’ citizens, including me one summer. (As an aside, it is a dangerous thing when you’re allowed to eat as much of the broken chocolate as you want. I ate myself sick the day I was on toffee and almond bar detail.) Everyone in the town has been on the tour a zillion times, and has fond memories of getting a free chocolate bar everytime they made a purchase. And the days when the air smelled like chocolate? Heaven.

But no more, because Hershey has decided to cash in on low wages in Mexico. Add to that the closing of the Rideau Regional Centre, and things are looking down for the town.

There was an article in the Toronto Star about it (thanks ‘Pril!). The deck is infuriating, and could only have been written by a Torontonian (“Do these places have a right to exist?”) and so are the comments. I can’t read them all or I might explode with rage. Such as this gem: “I will just be happy when these welfare bums from rural ontario will move out or start to pay their own way .. they are subsidized for everthing by use [sic] here in Toronto … Get a Job ya Bums“. Well, they had jobs. Their jobs moved to Mexico. I hope your job moves to Mexico so you can see how that feels. Then we can all point and laugh and tell YOU to get a job, you bum. Ugh. Also, learn to spell if you’re going to talk down to people, dumbass.

But all in all it’s a good backgrounder on what’s happening in my town. Bonus – watch the video to meet my neighbour across the street!

Love 2008

So the other day I reviewed my year in music for 2008. And since love is tied for first in terms of importance in my life, I figured I should review my love life in 2008.

I give it an F-!

Haha, just kidding. That’s a little harsh. It could maybe squeak by with a D.

Most of the minus points come from breaking up with someone I lived with. It was not fun. I never want to go through that ever again.

Other notable events:
-Falling in love at first sight for the first time. What a weird thing. Too bad he did not love me at first sight back. Or at all.
-Being on a date and ending up standing in line next to another person I was dating who was also on a date. THAT WAS NOT AWKWARD AT ALL. Things like this are why Blair says she’s going to write down all my stories and make a sitcom out of my life.

I was going to include “falling for a boy hardcore who is acting all ambivalent and holding me at arms’ length” but then I realized that is not a notable event, that is just par for the course for me. It’s pretty much my trademark.

You’d better shape up in 2009, love life. Christ.

Music 2008

So it’s that time of year, when everyone and their dog puts together a list of what they thought the best things in music were over the year. And I am no different! My top albums list is very short. There are lots of reasons for that but I won’t bore you with them. Also, this was the year that my crush on electronic music became a full blown relationship (with ambient instrumental stuff as my secret boyfriend on the side.) I am predicting that next year we will get married.

So I missed out on a lot of indie rock, or else it just didn’t move me. Normally, an Ani Difranco record would have automatic inclusion on my list, but I haven’t even listened to one track from her new album. Also, I never want to hear the phrase “Fleet Foxes” for the rest of my life.

So here is my life this year. I’ve probably forgotten something.

Songs

#1 MGMT – “Electric Feel”
-I MUST sing along when this song is on. Like if I don’t, I feel like I might explode. That’s how I know it’s a good song.

#2 Passion Pit – “Sleepyhead”
-I proclaimed to someone on Wednesday night that this was the second-best song of the year. To which he replied, “I thought it was the worst one we’ve listened to so far.” The point of this anecdote is that THIS SONG IS THE SECOND BEST SONG OF THE YEAR AND DON’T ARGUE.

#3 Sigur Ros  -”Gobbledigook”
-Mother of god, this song is good. The first time I heard it, I found the rhythm and the panning of the guitar really disorienting. But once you get over the wooziness, that’s what makes it amazing. Also, when they played this live and confetti shot out of cannons and covered Massey Hall, it was so joyful I almost cried.

#4 – Crystal Castles – “Tell Me What To Swallow”
This song is simultaneously creepy and so, so beautiful. Good mix.

#5 - Smashing Pumpkins – “Peace and Love”, “99 Floors”, “Sunkissed”
-Billy Corgan has remembered how to write good songs! I was underwhelmed by Zeitgeist. But all of the new acoustic stuff he’s been writing is pure genius.

OK, this is where I stop putting them in order because I’m lazy.

The Dears – “Crisis 1&2″
-There’s something so wonderfully dire about this song.

The Dears – “Lights Off”
-It starts off all quiet and restrained and then turns into a face-melting rock epic complete with a intensely dramatic guitar solo.

Thunderheist – “LBG”
-You can’t not dance when Thunderheist comes on. It’s science. Especially at their live shows.

Jason Bajada – “Sad Song About You #2″
-The lyrics! I love them. And the melodies! Love those too.

N.E.R.D. – “Everyone Nose”
-What a fucking weird song. I love anything that combines sampled upright bass with ridiculous lyrics and a mad beat.

Rachael Yamagata – “Elephants”
-”So for those of you falling in love/Keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right/Throw yourself int he midst of danger/But keep one eye open at night.” It’s basically my worldview in super-concentrated form.

Lil Wayne – “A Milli”
-There’s a reason approximately 8,560,486 people remixed this song this year.

Santogold – “L.E.S. Artistes”
-It’s just sassy.

Four Tet – “Ribbons”
-It’s just the right amount of space age water sounds and steam-powered beats.

Alphabeat – “Fascination”
-Basically the most fun ever. Which is why someone told me, “I could never see you singing a song like this.” I’m so un-fun.

Kanye West – “Love Lockdown”
-Some people (Brandon and Joe) do not like Kanye’s direction on this album. Some people do not appreciate AMAZING.

City and Colour – “Sleeping Sickness”
-The man can write a melody. Also, I love that I’m constantly hearing people sheepishly admit they didn’t get why he’s called City and Colour until it was spelled out for them. I was one of those people.

Stars – “Window Bird”
-This chorus is probably the best melody of the year.

The Ting Tings – “That’s Not My Name”
-This is one of those rare songs where the verse is better than the chorus. Also, the bridge sounds exactly like “Johnny Sunshine” by Liz Phair.

Kid Sister – Any song she did this year
-I can’t pick just one because they’re all so damn catchy.

Ratatat – “Shempi”
-This song is hilarious.

Albums
Robyn – Robyn
-Pitchfork says this album doesn’t count because it was released overseas 3 years ago. But Metacritic says it does because it was released in North America this year. So even though I had one of the songs from this album on my year-end list in 2005, I’m putting the album on this year because every song is so fucking solid.

Portishead – Third
-I waited a lot of years for this album and it was worth it. Even though I’m bitter that the download coupon that came with the vinyl never worked.

Fall Out Boy – Folie A Deux
-Always with the melodies! And it came out on my birthday! Thanks, Fall Out Boy!

Beast – Beast
-Betty from Beast calls their sound “trip rock” which means it’s basically the best.

Crystal Castles – Crystal Castles
-A certain former editor of mine will probably barf at this album’s inclusion. I would have at one time too. I thought CC was the worst shit ever when I first heard it. Now I love it unabashedly.

Jason Bajada – Loveshit
-This is basically the ultimate breakup record, so it was very timely for me this year. Thanks, Jason Bajada! It is smart and catchy and sad and awesome.

Things I Loved So Hard This Year That Aren’t From 2008
Burial – Untrue
-This album is so good that I paid for it twice. I bought a lot of the tracks from iTunes, and then went and shelled out for the vinyl yesterday.

Dntel – “Rock My Boat”
-Both the original and the remix. They will have to have a death match to determine which one will be my wedding song.

Older Sigur Ros
-Sigur Ros is pretty much my religion.

I’m feeling rough, I’m feeling raw, I’m in the prime of my life

It is my birthday in an hour and a half. I don’t feel excited about that. I’m on the verge of 25. I keep making the same old mistakes. Keep finding the same old situations…

We’re not so different, you and I. I’m just better at hiding it. Maybe I’m being ridiculous, but I still want to be your Manic Pixie Dream Girl. It’d be like the blind leading the blind, sure. It might take longer to get there, we might get things wrong along the way, but it would be fun. Or something like it.

Super Birthday Madness

I just got back from Waterloo, where Sydney and I had our joint birthday party (Tuesday is our actual b-day). I got to go to my beloved Phil’s for the first time in God knows how long. Hurray! Notes from the evening, in bulleted list form, are below. I am too tired (hungover) to write proper paragraphs.

-Quote of the Night goes to: “I fucking love being doe-eyed!” Mostly because it was said by a 26 year old man.

-Q: Is 25 too old to be dancing on the stage at Phil’s with a drink in each hand? A: NO WAY. Though swinging around on the pole should probably be avoided at any age. I shudder to think about the germs on that thing.

-When did boys in goddamn Hollister shirts take over Phil’s? Where is Phil’s Grandson (aka Punk Rock Asian Guy)? Where is the guy who looks like he should be in Limp Bizkit but dances like JT?

-The guys in “Phil’s World Tour” shirts on the other hand? Amazing.

-Also, when did super cute hipster boys start going to Phil’s?

-The music was always good at Phil’s, but they’ve really stepped it up. Before it was a lot of garage rock and Interpol. Which was good. But now it’s all M83 and the Justice remix of MGMT and electro music. Which is even better.

-Why didn’t cute boys work at Macdonell was I was going there every damn week?

-When I woke up this morning, I remembered a fun exchange that happened last night on the way back from Phil’s. I saw two guys standing on the corner. One was arguing with a friend on his cell phone. His friend’s name was Jason. I walked up and said, “Let me talk to him.” So he handed me the phone/I grabbed the phone from him (can’t remember) and said, “Jason, we think you should fuck off” and hung up. Then I asked, “Who’s Jason?” Luckily, they were highly entertained by the whole thing and gave me high fives and we all went on our merry ways.

-I own two cell phones, yet somehow ended up separated from everyone, including Sydney, whose place I was sleeping at, and unable to call anyone.  One phone was dead and the other was inside the apartment I was locked out of. I managed to sneak into the building and pounded on Joe and Alex’s door but they didn’t answer. So I sat in the hall for a while, feeling sad about how I forgot to get a fork for the poutine that was the cause of me getting lost from everyone. Eventually I just started eating it with my fingers.  I thought I was going to have to sleep in the hallway. Eventually I wandered down to the lobby and not long after, spotted everyone outside. Hurray! Saved! No hallway sleeping!

I may be 25, but I don’t have to act like it!

Good idea/bad idea?

I am attempting to write a song in French.

It is slow going.

It currently has two lines.

The seasons are old news

Winter comes every year, coating me with ice inside and out.

This one was supposed to be different.

I was going to build a fire in my chest.

We were going to rub sticks together until a spark caught. It would have burned a hole right through me, and relieved the pressure. I was hoping to banish the feeling of being stepped on. I was hoping a liquid drop of fire would make its way down to my stomach and burn through the wreckage.

But even destruction was too much to hope for – isn’t that sad?

I couldn’t even count on someone to help me with the demolition. Too afraid to throw a rock, too afraid of the insides that might come pouring out when things fell down. Afraid of what’s inside the walls. Well, I promise I would have covered your mouth and eyes, spared them from the dust and debris. I would have helped you avert your eyes until the worst was over, and presented you with a frame and thick new drywall to hang.

But with no crew, things will have to stay put. Not moving, barely crumbling. So very boring. It will take a lot longer to do things this way.

I need to pick glasses, but I’m indecisive

This is why I started shopping for glasses three weeks before my insurance starts – because today I was seriously pondering the logistics of buying three pairs of glasses. I am torn between three pairs as my main pair, plus a fourth that I want to buy as an occasional pair (they’re fire engine red brushed metal, so I don’t think I have the balls to wear them every day. They’re also Philipe Starck, so not really priced to be a casual second pair of glasses. But the more I think about them, the more I pine for them).

I had tried on one Chanel pair in purple. Loved everything but the colour. Then I saw them online in BLACK AND PINK. I trekked all over trying to find them. It became a mission. And today I found them, in a hidden corner of a shelf in Lenscrafters. Triumph! Except then the saleslady said, “Try these new Bvlgaris we just got in” and I put them on and fell in love. LOVE. Then there’s a third pair at Specs and Specs that look like the Bvlgaris but have fun little mod white circles on the arms. Anyway, here are two of the front runners – I can’t find the circle ones online – plus the Starcks, because I am trying to torture myself (they are $860 before lenses).

What to dooooooo?!?!?!

Black and pink! With quilted arms!

Why did she have to show me these? They weren't even out on the shelf yet! I could have been blissfully ignorant about their existence!

Dear This Pair: Why do you have to cost so much money? I want to wear you on days when I feel extra sassy and space age-y.

Memed

Alexandra has tagged me to tell you seven facts about myself! I will try my best to make it interesting. I may fail miserably.

The rules:

1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.

2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog – some random, some weird.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.

4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

5. If you don’t have 7 blog friends, or if someone else already took dibs, then tag some unsuspecting strangers.

My Seven Facts

1. I am happiest when I’m at band practice. Playing music by myself is alright, but there is something about songs coming together with other people – fleshed out with drums, bass, lead guitar, etc. – that make them seem so much more real and exciting and it makes me overjoyed.

2. I will never be a gearhead. I’m trained in audio engineering and I love having technology to play with, but I don’t buy this pissing contest crap that so many people in this field get into. I think that people try and disguise mediocre songs with a bunch of flashy gear. I’m not impressed by your $5,000 microphone. I kind of think you’re an idiot for spending that much money on a mic when the music industry is going the way it is.

3. I am a hopeless romantic, and an eternal cynic. I live for love. I am in love with love. I’m an emo kid at heart. I want nothing more than to find someone I am enamoured of and have them feel the same way about me and spend our days being digustingly and equally excited to be around each other. But I have a knack for attracting boys who think I’m awesome, but for any number of lame ass reasons (excuses) do not want to be my boyfriend. So I’m left feeling silly and unappreciated. I’m now convinced this is all I will find for the rest of my life.

4. I’m the most insecure person you know. I can’t even explain the depths of my insecurity.

5. It’s petty, but I’ll hold a grudge like nobody’s business. I remember things for a long time. I’ll be bitter about things for a long time. On the flip side, I’ll remember nice things forever. I still know who bothered to email to see how I was doing, who took me for drinks, who made me a perfect mix CD, when my dad had his stroke. It’s not a long list, but still. (See what I said about holding grudges?)

6. I fully plan on DJing at my own wedding. Not for the whole time. I just want to rock the decks for like half an hour in my wedding dress. But considering item #3, I may not have to worry about this.

7. I really want a new tattoo. Partial sleeve! Yes! Now I just need to save the money.

Now I have to tag seven people. But most of my friends have become delinquent at blogging, so I’m not going to tag anyone. Just do the meme if your little heart desires, readers!